What Do You Do With A Drunken Pegasus?
by Donraj
Summary: A drunken conversation at a party leads Fluttershy to re-evaluate her feelings towards her best friend. Unfortunately the reverse is not true.
1. Chapter 1

"Buck me Fluttershy, you've got one sweet flank."

Fluttershy blushed furiously as the blue pegasus with the prismatic mane stepped closer and continued

"Like, seriously, you could be on magazine covers!"

"I, uhm, was," Fluttershy said quietly. At this range she could definitely smell the alcohol on Rainbow Dash's breath. "I didn't like it very much."

Rainbow Dash waved a hoof excitedly. "No, I mean, like, magazines that ponies read. Big ones, like _Cutie Marks Uncovered_ or _Plotholes._"

Fluttershy flattened her ears and cringed backwards. She looked about frantically, hoping one of her friends would see her predicament and intervene, but it seemed that Pinkie Pie was leading the other partygoers in a game of "pin the tail on the pony" and that nopony else was paying them any mind. She was on her own.

"Uhm, Rainbow Dash, I think you've had a little too much cider."

"Nonsense!" Rainbow Dash said, slurring the word slightly. "I can handle way more than this. Hey, want to know a secret?"

"Sure?" Fluttershy said cautiously, not seeing any other options.

"Okay. Close your eyes."

Fluttershy didn't like where this was going. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Oh come on Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said with a roll of her eyes. That seemed to make her dizzy. "You're no fun."

"I just really don't want to, if that's okay with you."

"Fine," Rainbow Dash said in an exasperated tone. Then she leaned forward and kissed Fluttershy square on the lips.

"Mmppff!" Fluttershy squealed as she felt her friend's mouth on hers. She started to pull away, but Rainbow Dash followed her. Her tongue slipped into the yellow pegasus's mouth and…

That actually felt quite nice. Fluttershy stopped struggling and relaxed. Her eyes went unfocused and she felt Rainbow Dash's hoof gently wrap itself around the back of her head. They held the pose for what seemed like a long time before Rainbow Dash came up for air. She looked at Fluttershy blearily and continued.

"Have I ever mentioned how important you are to me, Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Like, we've been friends a long time, an—and I know I'm kind of a dick sometimes, but you're always there for me and you make me so happy." She winked, or at least tried to, but it came out more as a wink with one eye and a half blink with the other. "I love you."

Fluttershy's mouth hung open slightly. She stammered a reply. "Dash, I don't know what to say. This is so sudden, I mean…"

Rainbow Dash shook her head, probably more vigorously than she had intended. "I've always felt this way! Just, didn't know how to say it. You're so awesome and pretty and sweet and awesome. Celestia I want to just buck you senseless."

Fluttershy's wings poofed up and her face darkened to a color resembling Sweet Apple Acre's signature product. "I, uhm, well, Dash I…"

Fluttershy struggled to think of a way to turn down the sudden expression of romantic interest, but then she found herself wondering if she really wanted to. Rainbow Dash was a good friend and always had been. She'd been her protector against bullies and frightening things ever since they'd both been fillies. And, she thought as she found herself eyeing her athletic friend's beautifully toned body, Rainbow Dash wasn't bad looking herself.

While all of that was rushing through Fluttershy's head Applejack came trotting up. She took one look at Rainbow Dash and sighed.

"Ah knew giving you all that cider was a bad idea. Come on sugarcube, it's time to get you back home."

So saying she grabbed Rainbow Dash's tail in her mouth and began hauling her away. Rainbow Dash struggled, or tried to at least, but all she managed to accomplish was tripping and falling flat on her face. She complained noisily.

"Hey, I'm a grown mare and I can drink as much as I want! Let go of me!"

Applejack sighed and ignored her. More desultory resistance ensued, followed by Rainbow Dash looking back at Fluttershy and shouting, "Call me!"

And then she was gone. Fluttershy stood stock-still. What the hay had just happened?

Fluttershy watched as Rainbow Dash went through a series of warm-up moves in the sky above the field. A warm-up for Rainbow Dash anyway; Fluttershy was pretty sure she would have hurt herself trying to do any of those maneuvers herself. As she watched Rainbow Dash stopped and hovered about ten feet above her, still trying to get her blood pumping enough to banish the hangover from the night before. Fluttershy blushed slightly as she caught herself staring at the fascinating view of her friend's body from this angle. Finally Rainbow Dash decided that she was warmed up enough and called out to the pink maned pegasus.

"You ready to do your part?"

"Yes ma'am!" Fluttershy said in an unusually chipper voice, even going so far as to give a mock salute. Rainbow Dash gave her an odd look, then shrugged and jetted upward to begin a series of highly acrobatic moves. Fluttershy failed to notice the look and felt herself fighting the urge to dance excitedly in place. Her best friend since she was a filly was interested in her! She gave a giddy squeal as Rainbow Dash started her routine.

It was good performance all in all, especially given that Rainbow Dash spent the night before snoring in Applejack's barn because she'd been too drunk to fly home. As Rainbow Dash reached the finale of the show Fluttershy tensed her legs and sprung up in the air shouting, "Yay!"

Rainbow Dash landed not far away. She grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat off her coat as Fluttershy pranced up, practically humming with joy. Rainbow Dash gave her a cocky smile.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who's been practicing. That was some great cheering, Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy beamed. "Only the best for my best friend," she said, giving Rainbow Dash a quick peck on the cheek. She drew back smiling, expecting Rainbow Dash to do the same, but instead the prismatic maned pony gave her a confused look.

"Uhm, what was that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Fluttershy found herself stammering, her newfound confidence evaporating like morning dew. "Uhm, well I just thought, you know, since we're, uhm, I…you look great today!"

Rainbow Dash continued to stare. "Well thanks, but why the…oh." Comprehension dawned on her face. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling awkward. "Look Fluttershy, I'm really flattered, but you know I'm not into mares."

Fluttershy felt the bottom fall out of her stomach. "But you said, I thought, I mean—"

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Look, how many times do I have to say it? This is my natural mane color. It's not a statement and it doesn't mean anything."

Fluttershy felt herself shrinking back. Her gaze was drawn irresistibly downward. "But I—"

Rainbow Dash shook her head and tossed the towel over her back. "Honestly Fluttershy, I expected better from you of all ponies," she said in annoyance. "Look, let's just forget this happened and move on. No hard feelings."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Fluttershy whispered, eyes downcast. Rainbow Dash took off and flew away towards home and a nice shower. Fluttershy was left alone, eyes burning.

"But…I thought you wanted to be with me?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Fluttershy! You're naked!"

"Uhm, yes?" Fluttershy said cautiously, wondering why that was important.

Rainbow Dash waved her right hoof excitedly. "Hello? You can't go around like that in public! Everypony will see you!"

Fluttershy looked at her fellow pegasus in confusion. "Uhm, I always go around like this."

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "Fluttershy, what am I going to do with you. Let's get out of here before somepony sees you."

So saying Rainbow Dash swept the weakly protesting Fluttershy up off her hooves and flew towards the nearest door, which happened to lead to the kitchen. Pinkie Pie's "We Didn't Drink All The Cider At Applejack's Cider Party" party was in full swing and the front part of the store was currently serving as a dance floor for their friends. Rainbow Dash shut the door behind them, muting the sound from the booming stereo system. She turned back towards Fluttershy.

"Whew, that was close. I had no idea you were such an exhibitionist, Fluttershy."

Rainbow Dash was, of course, three sheets to the wind.

"Rainbow Dash, you do know that we don't normally wear clothes…right?"

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Fluttershy, everypony's got to wear clothes. And if you don't, you can get arrested."

Fluttershy started to respond, but Rainbow Dash continued. "But that doesn't mean you have to let some fashion designer in Canterlot decide what you wear. Do Rarity and Hoity Toity wear clothes with your name on them? No! So why should you wear clothes with theirs?" Rainbow Dash paused as if waiting for a response.

"Uhm, Rarity isn't from Canterlot?" Fluttershy said meekly.

"That's right," Rainbow Dash said, sounding satisfied. "So table the label, and wear your own name."

With that she stumbled forward drunkenly as her balance deserted her. Fluttershy caught her and held her steady.

"You're, uhm, you're starting to scare me," she said. Rainbow Dash turned her head to look at her. Their faces were inches apart.

"Besides," Rainbow Dash said with a wink. "I want you all to myself."

With that she wrapped her hooves around the back of Fluttershy's head and began to kiss her, hard. Fluttershy, now thoroughly confused, felt her mouth open in shock. Rainbow Dash was quick to stick her tongue in it. She tasted like cider, but it was good cider, so Fluttershy found herself relaxing and returning the kiss. A subjective eternity later Rainbow Dash came up for air. She grinned brashly at Fluttershy.

"You like that, don't you?"

Fluttershy struggled for words. "I, uhm, but you said earlier, wait!" she said, that last bit as Rainbow Dash came in for another kiss. Rainbow Dash let go of Fluttershy and pulled back, looking hurt.

"You don't like it?" she said, suddenly sounding sad. "I'm sorry Fluttershy, I just got caught up in the moment and thought we could, well, you know." Tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I love you."

Fluttershy automatically reached up to wipe the tears from her friend's face. "No, it's not that!" she said hurriedly. "It's just that you said you weren't interested in mares and I thought, uhm, I thought it made you uncomfortable."

Rainbow Dash blinked the tears away. "Fluttershy, how could I possibly not be interested in you? You're like the sweetest, most beautiful pony I've ever met!"

"B-but you said this morning—"

"I was an idiot! I'm was just, urggh," she growled, clearly frustrated. "It's just hard for me to talk about these things! I love you Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy felt her wings buzzing of their own accord as an electric thrill shot through her. "Do you really mean it?"

"More than I've ever meant anything else," Rainbow Dash promised.

Fluttershy felt her own eyes tearing up. "Oh Rainbow, that means so much to me." She threw up her hooves and wrapped them around her friend. She felt Rainbow Dash hiccup and pat her back comfortingly. They held the pose for a long moment. Finally Rainbow Dash pulled her head back far enough to look Fluttershy in the eye.

"So, want to be my special somepony?" Rainbow Dash said hopefully.

"Yes!" Fluttershy shouted, as much as she ever shouted anything. Rainbow Dash smiled. The expression turned devilish a moment later. "So, want to make out?"

Fluttershy responded by tackling Rainbow Dash. The blue pegasus landed on her back. Fluttershy was on top of her a second later, showering her with kisses. She stopped suddenly and smiled down at her new marefriend.

"This is the happiest moment of my life!"

She shrieked gleefully as Rainbow Dash rolled her onto her back. And then they had the best night ever.

Fluttershy woke up slowly, relishing every sensation as she returned to consciousness. Rainbow Dash was a warm presence beside her, and she snuggled closer before lifting her head to stare lovingly at her. The other pegasus yawned, smacked her lips and opened her eyes.

"Gah!"

Rainbow Dash jerked away from Fluttershy. The startled yellow pegasus slumped to the hard floor below as their limbs disentangled. She looked up to see Rainbow Dash glaring down at her.

"What the hay, Fluttershy?" she demanded.

"Dashie?" Fluttershy said tentatively as she rose to her hooves.

"Don't call me that," Rainbow Dash snapped. "Fluttershy, what the hay is this? We talked about this yesterday."

"Well, it's just, you had a lot to drink last night and—"

"And what, you thought you'd come and spoon with me? That's really creepy Fluttershy."

Fluttershy made a sound somewhere between a sob and a whimper. Rainbow Dash relented and laid a comforting hoof over her shoulder. She took a deep breath.

"Look, Fluttershy, I get that you have a crush on me and I'm sorry I don't feel the same way. But you really need to get past it or it's going to start affecting our friendship."

Before Fluttershy could answer Rainbow Dash turned and walked towards the door to the front of the store. "Look, let's just spend some time apart, okay? I think we both need our space right now."

Fluttershy watched her go, raising one hoof in mute protest. As the door swung shut she began to cry. She just didn't know what went gone wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Fluttershy was not having a good day.

She had spent most of it in her cottage. A good deal of that time had been dedicated to sobbing uncontrollably, as the large puddle of tears surrounding the sofa testified. Now however she had switched to curling up under a blanket whimpering and sniffling. Her animal friends were gathered in a semicircle on the edges of the puddle, keeping a cautious distance for fear that any stimulus might set the waterworks off again. They looked to their lagomorph leader for guidance. Angel screwed up his courage and waded through the puddle towards the sofa. He started to reach up to pat her comfortingly but then he had a flash of inspiration. He reared up on his hind legs and fell backwards into the puddle with an audible splash, then feigned a low moan of agony.

The ruse had its desired effect. Fluttershy's head instantly shot out from under the blanket, grief replaced by sudden concern. When she saw her bunny friend laying on the floor she shucked the blanket off with a quick flap of her wings and swooped down to pick him up. She held him cradled in her forelegs as she turned around and deposited him carefully on the sofa.

"Oh, are you okay, Angel bunny?"

Angel nodded, covertly giving the other animals a thumbs up when she looked away.

Fluttershy sat down beside Angel and stroked the back of his head with her hoof, a gesture that did more to comfort her than the bunny. The usually quarrelsome bunny looked up at her and gave her a hug. Fluttershy blushed slightly.

"Oh Angel, I just don't know what to do. It's like she becomes a different pony when she's drinking, but the next day she doesn't seem to remember a thing!"

Angel frowned, then bounded off to the closet. Fluttershy watched as he jumped up and came back down with a flask of medicinal alcohol. He looked up at her hopefully.

"Oh, I couldn't do that. It would be wrong."

Angel stomped his feet and pointed at the flask again. Fluttershy hesitated.

"Well, I mean, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to relax her just a bit so we could talk. Maybe that way she would remember afterwards…"

Angel hopped back over to the couch and gestured for Fluttershy to lay down. She did, and some birds swept in to pull a blanket over her. "Okay Angel, you win. I'll think about it in the morning. For now I'm just going to…" She fell asleep midway through the sentence.

Angel frowned thoughtfully. Clearly the quiet one needed his help if anything was going to be done.

†

Flying is an interesting experience for the habitually ground bound. Angel, despite his name, was one of that persuasion. He clung to the enormous eagle's back as the mighty avian soared ever higher. Finally seeing his target below Angel let go, only to fall on a cushion of clouds. He opened his eyes to see Rainbow Dash's cloud home in front of him. Good. It was as the shelled one had said. The clouds were specially treated to support non-pegasi.

Angel hopped into the cloud home commando-style. He found the parlor empty save for a slowly hovering turtle. Tank turned to regard him lazily, blinking once to express his surprise. Angel threw himself into an elaborate series of pantomimes, explaining his purpose and postulating that Tank's owner would benefit from what he was about to do as well. Tank frowned, picturing the probable fallout, and shook his head. Angel threw him the finger and proceeded to hop into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and found a large bottle full of a pale green liquid. Angel pulled the flask off of his back and grinned wickedly as he unscrewed the top on the sport's bottle. He dodged to one side as Tank floated over and feebly attempted to stop him, then poured the clear liquid into the sport's bottle, filling the half-full thing to the brim. That done, he twisted the bottle shut and put it back in the refrigerator. He turned to regard Tank, who was hovering there with a disapproving expression, and was about to make a rude gesture when both pets heard noises coming down the hallway from the bedroom. Angel froze, then scampered off to find a hiding place.

†

Rainbow Dash yawned as she made her way into the living area of her cloud home. She smacked her mouth hungrily and then sleep-walked over to into the kitchen and the refrigerator. A flying turtlecopter rose up to greet her. She waved absently.

"Heya Tank. What's up?"

Tank nudged his head at the refrigerator, molasses slow. Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Alright dude, I'll get your snack."

Rainbow Dash proceeded to open the refrigerator and pulled out a turtle snack, which she tossed over her shoulder into Tank's bowl across the room. That done, she pulled out a sports bottle and began to screw open the top. Tank hovered over and tried to nudge it out of her hooves. Rainbow Dash scowled.

"No Tank, your snack is over there. This is mine. It is not for turtles." She turned and walked away, leaving the morose-looking turtle behind. She took a swig of the electrolyte rich fluid and started doing her stretches. She took another swig. "Hey, this stuff tastes better than usual."

Rainbow Dash started towards the living room but found herself lurching forward suddenly. She giggled and took another gulp as she caught herself on the sofa, having just missed the table in front of it. She felt her wings poof up dramatically. She waved back in the general direction of Tank and the kitchen.

"Kay Tank, I'm gunna go fly now! Be good!"

With that she stumbled out the front door and took off.

Tank puttered into the living room and watched the door to the cloud home close behind his owner. He blinked once. This would not end well.

†

Fluttershy was awoken from her nap by the sound of a family of buffalo having their intestines ripped out.

That was what it sounded like anyway. Fluttershy flinched at first, but quickly worked up her nerve by reminding herself that some animal was clearly in need of her help. She opened the door and peered out cautiously. "Hello?"

"Fluttershy! Fluttershy! You have always been with me through thick and thin!

The pained screams resolved themselves into words. Rainbow Dash was standing on her front lawn, swaying on her hind legs with one foreleg held over her heart and singing. Loudly. Her volume increased as she saw her friend's face.

"And your face is the one I want to wake up next though until the end! Fluttershy! Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy stood stock-still as Rainbow Dash continued her song, blushing as she heard the increasingly sappy and adoring lyrics. Finally the song reached its crescendo and Rainbow Dash stopped to give her a wink.

"Hey Fluttershy! I—I thought I'd drop by and tell you how much I…"

With that Rainbow Dash fell over face first, her skull making an audible thunk as it hit the ground. Fluttershy rushed over to check on her.

"Rainbow Dash! Are you okay?"

"Huh, whazzat? Fluttershy? What are you doing here? Why is my head ringing?"

Suddenly Fluttershy felt something tugging on the end of her mane. She looked down to see Angel standing there, holding what looked like a bottle of the cider Applejack had given her a few weeks before. He thumped his foot excitedly and gestured toward Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy started to protest, but stopped as she looked down at her dazed friend. She snatched the bottle, uncorked it and popped it into Rainbow Dash's mouth.

"Here you go Rainbow. Down the hatch!"

Angel beamed.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ain't hesitating, I'm saving my love for you!"

Fluttershy's soft voice radiated out from the microphone to fill the bar. Hoots and whistles sounded from throughout the room in reply, but Fluttershy had eyes for only one listener. Rainbow Dash sat near the karaoke stage. Her forelegs were propped up on the table in front of her and her head rested on her hooves as she took in her marefriend's performance with a big smile. She gave a whistle of her own, and Fluttershy strutted forward, walking upright with the mic in her forehooves and the hem of her floral dress brushing the stage top. The tone of her voice shifted to a speaking cadence, and she addressed the crowd with a flourish.

"This is our one month anniversary, and I've, uhm, I've composed a song to celebrate."

Fluttershy took a deep breath and began a new, jauntier tune.

"Applejack's always courageous, her big brother's less outrageous."

"Rarity's always up on fashion, sewing dresses is her passion."

"Pinkie bakes her marzipan, spreading sugar through the land."

"Twilight has her research, Ponyville library is like her church."

"Princess Cadance has her looks, who knows what she's like off the books."

"But for me there's just one mare, who would tackle any dare."

"Dashie! Dashie! Dashie! You're the one for me!"

"Dashie! Dashie! Dashie! Watch out for that tree!"

"Dashie! Dashie! Dashie!" You're always – Uwee!"

"Uwee" was, of course, the sound that Fluttershy made when an amorous blue pegasus leapt up into the air, swooped down onto the stage and swept her off her hooves for a deep kiss. Seeing that her solo number was done the crowd broke into a round of raucous applause. Several patrons shouted lecherous advice to the pair, but Fluttershy ignored them and snuggled deeper into the embrace.

Rainbow Dash staggered as Fluttershy led her back down to their table, but Fluttershy was more than used to that by this point and easily caught her. She thrilled inwardly as her drunken companion leaned against her for support. The moment she plopped her marefriend back into her chair Fluttershy threw her forehooves around her for another hug, giggling wildly.

"You were right, you were right! I never, ever, ever thought I'd be able to do it, but that was so much fun!"

Rainbow Dash grinned widely. "Ya see Fluttershy," she said, smacking Fluttershy's cutie mark as she did, "I told you if you just loosened up a little you'd enjoy it. You're a great singer. I-I love everything that you do with your mouth. And your tongue. Your tongue is great. Hey, remember that time last week when you—"

Fluttershy blushed furiously and shoved Rainbow Dash's drink back into her mouth to shut her up. Rainbow Dash eagerly complied with the unspoken command and started to glug the rest of the brew down. Fluttershy signaled to a waiter for more. As she did a new tune started playing on the jukebox. Rainbow Dash perked up.

"Fluttershy!" she slurred. "They're playing our song!"

So saying she leapt into the air, grabbed a suddenly squealing Fluttershy and flew towards the dance floor. Before she knew it Fluttershy was surrounded by flashing lights and gyrating ponies. She shrank down towards the floor.

"Meep!"

Rainbow Dash clapped her hooves onto Fluttershy's shoulders and pulled her back up to face her. "Come on!" she said enthusiastically, "Let's dance!"

So saying Rainbow Dash staggered into a series of moves that resembled a particularly athletic seizure. Fluttershy hesitated for a moment but soon followed suit, losing herself in the music. She felt her eyes close as the beat sank into her and before she knew it she found she was enjoying herself. She opened her eyes again. "This is—"

Rainbow Dash was gone.

Rainbow Dash rocked back and forth on her hind legs, dancing in place in the trance-like state that came only from combining music, rhythmic motion and alcohol. She pumped her forehooves up in the air as she closed her eyes and felt the air rushing past her. "This is so awesome!" she shouted gleefully.

"Dash," came the strangely laconic reply. "We need to talk."

"Wha—?" Rainbow Dash said drunkenly. "Talk about what?" She opened her eyes and jerked back. "You're not Fluttershy!"

"No Dash," said the griffon who was holding her upright. "I'm not."

Rainbow Dash's head swam with conflicting emotions, alternately muted and enhanced by her state of inebriation. She narrowed her eyes, or tried to, though the expression came out as more of a lopsided squint. "What do you want, Gilda?"

Gilda sighed, though she kept dancing apathetically in time with the music. "Look, I came back to say I'm sorry, alright? I over-reacted to your friends and I shouldn't have called them lame. Can we put it behind us?"

Gilda had thought she was prepared for any reaction. Acceptance, anger, confusion, disbelief. What she hadn't expected was for Rainbow Dash to start giggling hysterically.

"That was so funny! All those pranks! The look on your face was priceless!"

Gilda started to say something hot and nasty in reply before she caught a whiff of Rainbow Dash's breath. "Dash, are you drunk?"

"No!" Rainbow Dash declared as she swayed and came crashing forward. Gilda caught her in mid-fall and helped her get back on four hooves. "I can drink way more than that!"

"Dash, what's going on? You know better than to—"

"There you are!"

Fluttershy's indignant voice cut through the sound of the dance floor. Gilda looked up to see the yellow one emerge angrily from the crowd. She fought down a sneer. "Be nice," she muttered to herself.

"Oh, hey there. Look, Dash and I just need to have a quick talk and—"

Suddenly Gilda felt herself take an involuntary step back as Fluttershy's eyes bulged slightly. "You! Dashie has had quite enough of your behavior!" Gilda stood there stock-still and tongue-tied as Fluttershy laid a hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder.

"Come on Dashie, we're leaving. I have some cider back at home."

Rainbow Dash laughed and smacked Fluttershy awkwardly across her cutie mark. "Damn Shy, I love it when you get all bossy like that."

Gilda remained frozen in place as the two ponies made their exit. About half a minute later she shook her head and looked around desperately, but they were gone. She raise a paw up to her forehead and rubbed it.

"What the buck just happened?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Stupid pony no meat menu."

Gilda groused as she scanned the all vegetarian menu. It wasn't like she was there for the food, but still, ugh. Still, at least the menu provided her with something to hide behind while she eyed the table across from her. Not that she needed much concealment given how fixated on one another the table's occupants were.

"So then Cloud Kicker said, 'But Rainbow Dash, the regulations say that you can't put a thundercloud near the water hole during summer!' And I went, 'Oh whatever Cloud Kicker, earth ponies can survive a few lightning bolts.' And can you believe she said something about a conduct complaint? Ugh, I'm telling you Fluttershy, there is something wrong with that mare."

Fluttershy listened to Rainbow Dash's rant without a word, lost in her beloved's purple eyes. Finally she realized that Rainbow Dash had paused and was expecting some sort of reply. She started and said, "Oh, wow, that's so unreasonable. You're totally right to be upset."

Rainbow Dash heaved a long sigh that caused the flowers sitting on the center of the table to wilt slightly. "I know, right? I'm boss of the weather patrol and that means that what I say goes!" She tried to make a stern face but found herself getting dizzy and fell back into her seat. Fluttershy patted her shoulder.

"There there Dashie, you don't have to deal with her today. Let's relax."

She signaled with her other hoof. "Waiter? Another glass of wine."

"May I take your order now?" said a voice directly behind Gilda.

"GAAH!" Gilda said wittily, ripping the menu in half and nearly jumping out of her chair in surprise. Gilda craned her head around and found herself beak to snout with the waiter who had given her the menu. She snarled, "Whaddya do that for?! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

The words came out perhaps more loudly than was conducive to stealth. About half the restaurant turned to stare at her. Including the ponies she was trying to spy on.

"It's Gilda! Hey Fluttershy, you remember Gilda?"

Gilda groaned and raised a claw in reluctant greeting. "Hey Dash. Uh, funny meeting you here? How it hanging?"

"Oh same as always! Just getting a bite with my number one filly friend, Fluttershy. Come on over here!"

"What?!" Fluttershy meeped under her breath. She tried to force a smile. "Dashie, I'm sure Gilda would rather we not interrupt her evening. She's probably waiting for somepony. Right Gil—"

Fluttershy looked back up and Gilda was already sliding into a seat across from her and next to Rainbow Dash. She fought to keep the smile plastered on her face as Gilda propped her elbows on the table and said, "Oh not at all. I was, uh, planning to meet someone, but he turned out to be a total lame-o and didn't show. She gave Fluttershy a predator's smile. "And how're you two?"

Fluttershy turned her head slightly and whispered, "Dashie, don't you remember the last time she was invited somewhere with us?"

Rainbow Dash's mood darkened instantly. "Yeah! What's the big idea Gilda?"

Gilda sighed and cupped her forehead with her claws. "I already said the other night, I'm sorry, okay? Can we just put it behind us?"

Rainbow Dash stared for a few seconds longer, then hiccupped. "Let bygones be bygones!" she said, throwing her hooves out wide and sending her empty wine glass tumbling to the floor in the process. The fragile flagon shattered on the hardwood before. Fluttershy's grin was becoming more brittle by the second.

"Oh, well," she said through gritted teeth. "I suppose I can't argue with that." Her eyes narrowed. "And what brings you back to Ponyville?"

"Oh, well, you know, didn't want to leave things unsettled," Gilda said in a rehearsed speech that had sounded a lot smoother in front of her hotel room mirror. She stretched casually. "So Dash, why don't you introduce us? Buttershy and I got off on the wrong foot."

"It's Fluttershy," the pink-maned pegasus pony said, glaring daggers at the gryphon.

"Whatever," Gilda said, waving her paw dismissively.

"Oh right!" Rainbow Dash said, "Gilda, this is my new marefriend, Fluttershy."

Gilda, who had stolen Fluttershy's wine glass when she sat down and had just started glugging it down, spat the golden fluid out across the table. It landed right in Fluttershy's face.

"Say what Dash? Since when do you swing that way?"

Rainbow Dash grinned happily and threw a forehoof over her dripping companion's shoulder. "Since a month ago! Ever since then everything has been one hundred percent awesome!" she said, practically singing the last word. Fluttershy brushed her suddenly wet mane out of her face and nuzzled her softly.

"That's right," she said, giving Gilda a look. "Dashie told me how she felt about me one night and we've been together ever since."

"But, I, you, how, what?"

"I know, right?" Rainbow Dash said, oblivious to the tension. "Isn't it great?"

"But…you aren't into mares."

Fluttershy stiffened suddenly. "Dashie has had some revelations about herself lately. And she's very happy with her new perspective on life."

"Dash, I've known you since we were fillies," Gilda said, ignoring Fluttershy. "Where the hell did this come from?"

Rainbow Dash blinked slowly. "Uhm, ever since that party Pinkie Pie threw. Lessee, that was, uhm."

"A month ago?" Fluttershy supplied.

"Yeah, a month ago."

Gilda stared for a minute longer, then shrugged. "Well I guess if it makes you happy. Just surprised is all. You always got angry when other ponies said you were into mares, and the only time I ever remember you coming remotely close to lezzing out was that time we snuck behind the bleachers at flight camp and drank that—wait. Dash, are you drunk?"

"No way!" Rainbow Dash said exuberantly, throwing her forehooves out wide again. She fell back into her chair and started giggling manically.

Gilda face-clawed again. "Dash, it's not even noon yet, why are you drunk? This isn't like you. I practically had to twist your wing just to get you to try knocking a few back that one time."

Fluttershy rose suddenly. "Oh look at the time. We've got to go. Dashie, remember we have the thing at the place?"

Rainbow Dash looked back at her blearily. "But Gilda's—"

Fluttershy was already pulling Rainbow Dash out of her chair. "The thing," she said evenly, emphasizing the word. "At the place."

Gilda started to rise herself. "Hey wait a second, what's going on here, something's not right about—"

Suddenly Gilda found her beak clanging shut as Fluttershy's eyelids opened wide. She felt her body go rigid with sudden, stark terror and suddenly everything went blank.

When she regained her senses Gilda was sitting alone at the table. Rainbow Dash and the yellow pegasus were gone. She shook her head in confusion.

"What, how, ARRRGGGGGGHHH!"

Gilda let out a leonine roar of frustration. When she was done she ignored the waiters and patrons staring at her and narrowed her eyes to slits. Whatever the buck was going on, she was going to find out.


End file.
